The Life And (soon to be) Death Of Peter!

Moving Away

2011-01-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

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It's time to move away! You can find me at Tumblr now. http://late2thescene.tumblr.com/

On this day, 7 months ago

2010-11-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But now our last days of silence scream in blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you grow
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

It All Began With..

2010-10-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

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This is the continuation of the last post, where I'm trying to look back on the past few months of a relationship that I hold dearly but sadly has passed like all good things.

The Beginning:

It all started with a text I sent to Annabel trying to tease Dickson. That was how all this started, with one text. My memory becomes shoddy but I remember specific things. the second time we went out Anna asked me to go out and we ended up in Sunway Pyramid to hang out. I remember us having a nice long talk in one of the cafe's there. I remember her shedding a few tears and me comforting her. I also remember me and her agreeing to come over to my place so I could 'teach her accounts'. Both of us just wanted to spend time with each other I guess but were to shy to say it. So that was our excuse to hang out with each other.

I remember the day she called suddenly and told me she was fond of me. My reply to that after a few hours of trying to convince myself I didn't dream it was that I reciprocated how she felt. And that was really how we got together. The next few things went by pretty fast even though we wanted to keep slow and private. In the second day, we held hands and by the 5th we had already kissed. The rest is as they say history. I remember how she was so shy to hold hands in front of classmates but soon enough we got used to being publicly affectionate.

The Middle:

I remember so much of the good really. As time passed, it seemed like we were just so comfortable with each other. It was as if we knew each other forever. We told each other everything, well almost. I guess you'll find another version from her but as I said I remember the good. To be honest, there were many times we hovered on the brink of breaking apart but somehow that love seemed to always keep us together. Between the arguments, suicide threats, shouting, I think we were a really loving couple for most of it. We always used to go for almost any movie and even when work started we always found the time for each other. Many people would look at this and say it was more infactuation rather than love. But I think we were very special and I always thought we would end up together. Alas, life is never as easy as it seems. I remember us celebrating our month-saries sometimes extravagantly and sometimes not so. Her birthday was a special memory because we had a huge fight that day but managed to get over it and we made it into an awesome day together.

The End:

The end has probably been covered in the last post but I would like to use this section to clear a few things. Firstly, we were quite crazy about each other and sometimes that craze would flow into our fights and how we reacted to each other. I think by the time we broke up, we had started to take each other for granted. Secondly, and I think Anna would also want me to say this, yes, I did push her twice during 2 of our arguments. I admit that it absolutely totally wrong for me to do what I did. And I stopped it once i realised that mistake. Thirdly, i would just like to say that I wanted this relationship to last forever because I truly loved Annabel Kok. Some part of me will always love her because she was just so special in my eyes. Jealousy might have become a big problem in our relationship but I guess that's what happens when you love someone a lot. For all the wrong things I said and did, I would like to apologise wholeheartedly to Annabel. You have given me the best time of my life while you were with me. Thanks and I wish you all the best and if one day life might permit us to forget everything and be friends, I would gladly embrace it. So farewell, take care and...well, although it sounds wrong, I love you baby =)

26 Days...

2010-10-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

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And counting. Time has gone pretty fast since the break up and I would like to put it all into perspective. Also, I would like to thank three specific people who have helped me through all this without which I wouldn't know I could have gotten through it. So, thank you: Kate Gabriela Crewes, Kelly Catalina Johanna Opgernoort and Mohd Noer bin Abu. I just had to put in your full names because I like 'em. Well, the first 2 anyways =) You were the few people I could turn to when my world seemed to crumble before my eyes. As a simple foreword, I want to state that I have no regrets about this past relationship nor will I ever forget it because it was one of if not the best relationship I have had the privilege of being involved in. Pretty worthless words now but at least let it be noted. I will go through the last four weeks since Annabel Kok and I broke up and then go back to where this story began.

September 7, 2010- Week 1
Annabel came over this day and I had just gotten back from work. Being tired, I told her that I was going to take a nap. She said she wanted to go back early to have dinner with her family so she wouldn't sleep. i told her to turn on the alarm just in case. When I woke up she had fallen asleep and she was late. She was angry and as she left into the taxi, I said "third time in six days". What I meant was that was the 3rd time she had gotten angry over a small thing over 6 days. That night she texted me and I feel i over reacted because I had been holding so much in. over the next few days, we swayed from her looking totally uninterested and me becoming more flustered and frustrated. By the following week, it was quite clear we had fallen apart.

September 14, 2010- Week 2
By this day, I was falling apart as she had become concrete in her decision to end the relationship that had lasted for almost 5 months. It was supposed to be our 5th month-sary this day and I thought I could do something really romantic to get her back. So knowing she would finish her shift at 11pm at Traders Hotel, I bought a red rose and took the train there late at night with the intention of surprising her. When 11pm struck, I called her to ask where she was. She told me she was at home. Feeling disappointed and heart broken, I started to walk away and find a place to buy a bottle of water. I called her back about 10 minutes later and that's when I heard people saying bye to her and it dawned on me that she was actually still there. I ran what was about 3-4km back to Traders but by the time I reached that place, she told me she had already left. Feeling so empty I screamed and shouted at her and finally just sat down in the dark park and contemplated suicide. Going home alone on the last train must have been the hardest part of the journey because I just felt so alone. Reaching home, I called just about anyone to ler out my feelings. To my mum, I said I had just been punished for all the wrong things I've done. Thank god Noer called me out and accompanied and talked to me for most of the night.

September 21, 2010- Week 3 &4
This weeks were particularly hard as i had work and I was getting drunk, smoking a lot, not eating and not sleeping much. I remember not sleeping till I just crashed on the floor. Work helped as it kept me busy and people like Febriana, Kelly and Kate were there to talk to. In week 3 I did try to control but I still tried to contact her and text her from time to time. It all came to the climax of her telling me she had a new boyfriend already. 3 weeks, wow =) I haven't contacted her since that night. And the days have become better, I've kept myself busy almost everyday. And with people like Noer, Zul, Aries, Kate and Kelly life ain't too dull. It's just amazing I'm still standing here and I'm partly thankful.

-to be continued: How All this Started.

2010-09-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of spring
And my life is starting over again
The trees grow, the river flows
And its water will wash away my sins
For I do believe that everyone has one chance
To fuck up their lives
But like a cut down tree, I will rise again
And I'll be bigger and stronger than ever before

For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back

There's a hope in every new seed
And every flower that grows upon the earth
And though I love you, and you know that
Well I no longer know what that's worth
But I'll come back to you in a year or so
And I'll rebuild, be ready to become
Oh the person, you believed in
Oh the person, that you used to love

For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back

Untitled

2010-09-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

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I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you

And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
And I'm so lost
How can you trust
Somewhere the sun is always shining

And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me

Even Now

2010-09-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

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How long should I wait before I let you go
How long should I decide

Whose side should I take when both of us were wrong
When we both share the blame

Oh but I love you Even still even now, Even though we fell apart
Even still even now
But I hope we'll meet again

Whose eyes will you look in when love is in your heart
whose hand will hold your ring
whose voice will serenade to help your baby sleep
to make it all ok

Know that i love you even still even now even though we fell apart
even still even now
and I hope well meet again

Even still even now even though we fell apart
even still even now
and i hope you'll be ok

Come Back When You Can- Barcelona

2010-09-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

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I've been led on
To think that we've been
Trying for too long.
Every time we drift
We're forcing what is wrong.
At last that voice is gone.

Please take your time
But you've got to know that
I am taking sight.
Oh, you look good
with your patient face and wandering eye
Don't hold this war inside.

Come back when you can.
Let go, you'll understand.
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.
So come back when you can.

You left your home
You're so far from
Everything you know
Your big dream is
Crashing down and out your door.
Wake up and dream once more.

Come back when you can.
Let go, you'll understand.
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.
So come back when you can.

Come back, I'll help you stand.
Let go and hold my hand.
If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less.
So come back when you can

Dead Inside

2010-09-13T00:39:00.000-07:00

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Work. Working for the last 2 and a half months has started to take it's toll on me. As time passes, it gets harder to even muster the enthusiasm to get up and go to work. Started as an telephone operator for the 1st month and then in the 2nd month I was in the concierge. Now I'm spending the thrid month in the guest services department. With each department that I go through, I'm starting to learn that each department gets paid higher than the last one and does less work. I'm doing so little work I could just kill myself out of boredom. 3 and a half more months to go for my practical and next up is the F&B department which from word of mouth sounds like a nightmare. God help me.

My girlfriend has decided to go on an indefinite hiatus and her reason was that she hadn't had enough of the single life yet. It certainly makes life so much harder and my reasons to live just seem to dwindle with every second without her. Even though I can understand her reasons for all this, I simply can't put away or hide the feeling that what she's saying is that I'm not good enough for her. Everyday just gets a little harder and it's breaking me inside. Every part of me just wished I could go back to two weeks ago when everything was fine and I had her in my arms. I can safely say I love her much more than I ever did for Sue-Ann and anyone who knows me well enough knows that that's a huge deal. I just wish she felt the same way and would stop treating me so coldly. I miss her so much. I feel like dying. God help me.

A memory of the good times.
I'm lost without you baby.

Recent Developments

2010-06-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

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Many things have been happening as a results of my last semester doing my diploma. Changes, life-changing experiences have been happening on a daily basis and I can't seem to know what tomorrow will bring.Well here's a small list of what's been going on:

- I have a girlfriend. The best I've ever had and will ever have and I'm quite intent on keeping her in my life for as long as this life lasts or at least 100 years. Her name is Annabel Kok and I love her. =) RAWR

- Supposedly, I was going to go to Langkawi for my practical in July but due to no opening posts I have now applied to Eastin and everything seems to be confirmed. This is some good news as I can be closer to the girlfriend as she will be working in KL.

- Was thinking about stuff and I realised how much I miss my friends back in Seremban. They truly mean a lot to me and my besst memories were having fun with them back during the high school days. Too bad I'm losing contact with many of them.

- World Cup is coming up in a week! After thinking about changing the country I support, I've decided to keep to the team I've been supporting for more than 5 years. Germany, we can go all the way! We don't need Ballack, we can win! =)

- Lost my Ipod in class the other day, spent hours looking for it in the house. The next day, the girlfriend went to look for it early in the morning knowing how much it meant to me and she found it. Can't express how much I love her for it. Thanks again babe! It's amazing how the Ipod wasn't stolen too. Special thanks to God for that too =P

- Also as a result of being with the girlfriend, many have become judgemental. So I would like to clear the air a bit.
1. I am NOT an Indian. I'm mixed Thai, Chinese and Indian. Mostly Thai blood runs through my veins and generally I don't belong to any race group or racial stereotypes.
2. Regarding smoking, I think people should not judge smokers so easily. Smoking is something done for pleasure and after reaching the age of 18 we are all free to make out own choices. When English professors like J.R.R. Tolkien smoke with pipes they look classy but when people like us smoke, we're uneducated? Open your eyes to your own discriminations and learn how not to judge so easily.
3. I love Annabel and I don't want anyone butting their noses in coz what we have in between us only and no one else's business. If you have nothing good to say, just stay out of it. I love her and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

That would probably end this post. =)

P.S. RAWR BABY RAWR!

Invictus

2010-04-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

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Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

In this hour of need, as everything seems to be crushing down on me. College, life problems, panic attacks, deathwishes. I still believe I can get through it all with a stiff upper lip. I find hope even when all seems lost and I will keep fighting. Bring it on.

On a sidenote, even as all these trials have been coming along, something nice has actually happened =)

Maryann- I wan't my meal!! =)
Bell- RAWR! =P

P.s. looking for a house to move into!!! =S

Lost

2010-04-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

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(Land of Talk - It's Okay) one of the most fascinating and melancholic video and song I've in awhile. Bland but somehow relates to the numbness of pain.

Lyrics that totally unrelated to the video..hehe
Well it's another warm day in the city of cold hearts,
They all just play the part of who they are,
And I'm here on my own,
I'd rather be alone
Than try to be someone that I'm not,
And you seem like someone who could appreciate the fact,
That I'm no ordinary man.

And it's misunderstood what you've heard about me,
I see why you would doubt me
But know this,
No one has a right,
Until they've fought my fight,
To understand just where I'm coming from,
And its that fight that's brought me here today,
Exactly as I am,
No ordinary man.

Well it's another warm day,
In the city of cold hearts,
It ends before it starts
In their maze,
But you, you're not like that,
You know where its at,
The only rules you follow are your own,
And you seem like someone who could appreciate the fact,
That I'm no ordinary man.

P.s. I'm gonna miss all this when I'm gone.

Warren Zeavon- Keep Me In Your Heart

2010-03-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for while

There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for while

Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile

You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for while

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for while

These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam
Keep me in your heart for while

Annoyance

2010-03-27T05:27:00.002-07:00

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I'm desperately annoyed at this moment. Everything is happening too fast. It's crushing me beneath it's weight. Get drunk? Stone? Nothing seems to even entertain me anymore. I am tired of this. Die Die Die..:S Fucking shit. Fuck the people who have no brains, Fuck the people who can't think of themselves or anyone, Fuck the people who seem to churn out shit every single moment, Fuck the people who can't be nice, Fuck the people who think they're smart, Fuck everyone. I hate being here and my presence in this world seems to mean so little to myself and I hope one day this world just breaks apart and smashes everything to bits. There's no point in this life. EMO FUCKING SHIT. fuck everyone..godammit..:S someone please pull me out of all of this.

Reminiscence

2010-03-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

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Today, I guess I felt something I haven't felt in awhile. I felt like that kid from all those years back. I felt like I was back to me. Not the person I try to be. I miss those times badly I guess. Everything just seemed a little bit easier. I'm not the person who would use words trivially so you know I mean it when I say I miss my childhood, crazy as it may be.

Kinda made the first friend I feel I can remotely get close to here in college. Guess what, thats the product of 1 year+ of being here. Sometimes I wonder if I was really different and if so, how? I'm just trying to understand the way we are. How do we actually live in this rut?

Then again, looking back I don't see anything I would change because its brought me here and to all those that really have touched my life and left an imprint, I'd like to thank you. I guess naming you would be appropriate because I won't ever forget you guys.
1. Sue-ann ( You were the one that saved me when I was at my lowest)
2. Maryann ( Won't forget the way you influenced the way I think and your constant care and love)
3. Benjamin Teh (How could I forget one of my closest childhood friends ever)
4. Yap Han Yuan ( One of my closest friends in church, won't forget ya for some reason. All those sleepovers and game-playing)
5. Alyssa Siew ( My closest couzie- that year we met during that family reunion will be embedded in my memory forever coz it actually made me feel like there's someone in the family that understands.
6. Deepak ( You bastard, all through form 3-5, we were the closest mates and up to mischief at all times)
7. Darren Chuah ( Another bastard that was up to all sorts of mischief with me in school. Won't forget the talks and stuff we did)
Of recent note:
1. Mohd Noer Abu (been through tons of stuff this past year with ya and I couldn't ask for a better mate. Let's admit it, we annoy the shit out of each other at times though =P)
2. Aries Nash ( From Man U to being drunkards, to being buddies..everything man)
3. Zulkainie ( Talking crap has never been so fun, U're my most huggable fren, haha)
4. Surya ( Bloody close at one time and someone that really made me scratch my head at times but you sure left an imprint)
5. Kimmy Hiew (The 1st person I was kinda close to in college. I just love disturbing you don't I =>)
6. New entry?* Bell (Someone who talks a lot and makes a lot of sense Sometimes, you're a whole ton of fun and I enjoy the honest talks)
7. Chief (Even though you're in Russia now, you were my best mate in football. Had great times with you on the field and off it too)
8. New Entry* Chien Kuan ( My truly awesome sis! I love ya and I'm waiting for you to get married soon)
Well, so this is my list. Anyone I left out? NO, coz nobody else came to mind. So the rest of ya can sod off. Well not totally but maybe this is a sign you should make a bigger effort =P this list actually got me out of my emo mood! :)

DEAD

2010-03-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

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Apparently my abscence from this blog has made is seem like I've been dead for awhile. Well, metaphorically speaking that could be true =) anyways..bad day= miss exam by oversleeping, wake up at 2 wif a message asking me how i think the exam went. apparently i would've found it a little easier if i had gone...haihz. oh well, cue fake MC time..X)

oh oh! recently i made a list of the wives i want. no 1. Zooey Deschanel. I love ur voice and your eyes!!! 2. Jenny Owen Youngs. You're just so cool..3. Deb Talan. Simply because of your voice. My list is totally giberrish because Zooey and Deb Talan have husbands. Dont know about Jenny but I'm guessing I'd have very little chance even if all of them were single. Anybody know someone like Zooey? I'd propose right away =)

Zooey!! =) Jenny Owen Youngs

Musically speaking, I'm still in Indie Obsession Mode(IOM) any ghosts reading this blog might like to check out Gregory and the Hawk, Jenny Owen Youngs, Joshua Radin, Leona Naess, Rosie Thomas, William Fitzsimmons, Jaymay and Oh! listen to Alice in Wonderland Soundtrack..some good shit in it esp Her Name is Alice by Shinedown.

Thats it from me..back to mid term exams, assignments and being pedantic and whimsical. This life is getting a little bit boring.

P.s. Bell, ure such a bum =) weeeeeeeeeee

The Longing

2010-01-25T01:04:00.000-08:00

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The longing is a pain
A heavy pressure on my chest
It rarely leaves
My day becomes a quest
To try not to think about her
And all that she brings
Forget about her magic
All the beautiful things

Surely there are other things to life
But I can’t think of one single thing
That matters more than just to see her
Just to see her
Her smile, her touch
Her smell, her laugh
The longing is a friend
A way to stay close
I feel like she’s here
And feel like she knows
That when I say I would die for her
It's not just words, I really would
And to make the world a safer place for her
Well I believe I really could
Sure there are other things to life
But I can’t think of one single thing
That matters more than just to see her,
To see her
Her tears, her sorrow
Her faults, her doubts
I love them all

2010-01-24T00:49:00.001-08:00

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die die die. i'm just trying to find a way to end this misery.

Bite My Tongue

2010-01-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

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Sometimes I say things that I wish that I could take back,
The most crucial thing I lack is a thing called tact,
And if you are so intently listening,
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing.

-Bite My Tongue, Relient K

2010-01-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

It hurts I admit. But at least I'm trying to move on. Haihz..

that look you give that guy

2009-12-20T08:38:00.001-08:00

i never thought that i could be so bold
to even say these thoughts aloud
i see you with your man
your eyes just shine
while he stands tall
and walking proud

that look you give that guy
i wanna see
looking right at me
if i could be that guy
instead of me
i'd never let you down

it always seems like you're going somewhere
better than you've been before
while i go to sleep and i dream all night
of you knocking at my door

that look you give that guy
i wanna see
looking right at me
if i could be that guy
instead of me
i'd be all i can be

i'm nothing like what i'd like to be
i'm nothing much i know it's true
i lack the style and the pedigree
and my chances are so few

that look you give that guy
i wanna see
looking right at me
if i could be that guy
instead of me
i'd give you all i got

i never thought that i could be so bold
to even say these thoughts aloud
but if, let's say, it won't work out
you know where i can be found

that look you give that guy
i wanna see
looking right at me
if i could be that guy
instead of me
i'd never let you down

Emo Shit

2009-12-05T22:34:00.000-08:00

I admit that I'm emo and wish to kill everyone in this world :P

Poof!

2009-12-05T06:57:00.000-08:00

That's the sound of hope dissapearing. Maybe its just karma or god's payback for the things I've done in the past. But still, I find myself wondering why I have come to be subjected to such torment. It feels like I'm on a kamikaze mission without even knowing what point I'm trying to make.

Birthday has just come and gone like that. I spent most of that day just piss drunk because of my classmates who forced me to drink like a maniac. At least I learnt about some new drinks and shots. Course I hate the feeling of being drunk but I can understand how people need it to escape their worlds.

Motion City Soundtrack's just released another song from their upcoming album. This one is titled 'Her Words Destroyed My Planet' and in my opinion its better than the first single. It has touches of the previous album before this, Even If It Kills Me. 'Dissapear' was more reminiscent of their older albums like I Am the Movie and Commit this to Memory.

P.s. before it all falls apart, I'd like everyone to know...I don't know what I'm saying anymore :0

In These Arms- The Swell Season

2009-11-23T11:51:00.000-08:00

Use the truth as a weapon
To beat up all your friends
Every chink in the armor
An excuse to cause offense
And the boys from the hallway calling out your name
And true love will find them in the end

You were restless
I was somewhere less secure
So I went running to the road
And so now there's a long list of places I was
I quit my rambling and came home

Cause maybe I was born to hold you in these arms
Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms

Use your saints and your mantra
And you things to keep you calm
If you stay with that asshole
He's gonna do you harm
There's a voice singing loudly on the radio just for you
That good fortune will find him in the end

Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms
Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms
Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms
Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms

In the Third Person

2009-11-20T11:11:00.000-08:00

Peter shall write in the third person tonight because he doesn't want to be himself right now. A line struck him from the movie 'Funny People'...You'll never be happy as long as you're with yourself and you'll only be happy if you find a way to get you away from you. So tonight Peter is not with himself. He is hiding from the bitter facts of life and hiding behind the comfort of words and music.

A few months have passed and he is still in this conundrum. Friend, no one escapes the confines of love and its mad obsessions and eccentricities. He never would've predicted this type of situation running on for so long. Maybe sometimes he just has to let things pass by even though he really wants it, que the lyrics from some song: "Goodbye my luckless romance" :)

Anyway, I've been wasting my time looking for some good music that isn't known well enough, here are some recommendations, if you can find them.

Andrew Davie- Lost Without You
Ben Folds- Landed
Char2d2- You are a Small Vampire (new artist, will require some scouring to locate)
A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover (Apparently, I'm the last one to find about her :S)
John Mayer- Who Says (okay, much more popular but good song anyway)
Little Red Lung- Untitled (try looking it up on myspace, very unique sound)
Warren Zevon- Keep Me in Your Heart
Saving Jane- Butterflies

Some albums you might wanna spend some time to download:
Brandi Carlile- Give Up The Ghost (extremely talented, great music & lyrics, don't know why shes not as famous as she should be)
OneRepublic- Waking Up (has some good songs on it, but I don't think its as good as the previous album)
Weezer- Raditude (Weezer always has a way of changing their sound but still have that weezer sound, has some good songs in it too)

It Is Over...For Now

2009-11-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

I actually believed I could stop just like that. haha. I'm an idiot :)

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." (Bertrand Russell)

"Instead of making others right or wrong, or bottling up right and wrong in ourselves, there's a middle way, a very powerful middle way......
Could we have no agenda when we walk into a room with another person, not know what to say, not make that person wrong or right?
Could we see, hear, feel other people as they really are? It is powerful to practice this way..... true communication can happen only in that open space."
(Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun who runs Gammpo Abbey retreat in Nova Scotia - thanks CB)

It Is Over

2009-11-08T01:23:00.000-08:00

I know what you�re doing,
I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There�s not much to examine, there�s nothing left to hide
You really can�t be serious if you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what�s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can�t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There�s nothing left to reason and only you to blame Will it ever change?

�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I�m thinking it over anyway...

I�ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?

I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don�t come and go

�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I�m thinking it over anyway

A Difference

2009-10-25T11:47:00.001-07:00

I was re-reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and came upon this:

My dear boy, no woman is a genius. Women are a decorative sex. They never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly. Women represent the triump of matter over mind, jus as men represent the thriumph of mind over morals.

And I'm not trying to be a chauvanist but come think about it, this was probably pointed towards majorities in both genders. Many and most of the girls I know, come to think about, seldom talk any sense. And still people listen to them simply because of the way they say it. Men on the other hand will always be the champions of breaking rules and defying the morals of society. So maybe there is some truth in this after all.

What I Truly Need Right Now Is A Dose of Apathy

2009-10-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

How weird is it, I'm actually getting used to being confused every single day and it doesn't bother me that much anymore. Sure its still annoying and I don't find it a walk in the park at all. But its still quite clear that this issue won't be resolved anytime soon. And it kills me everyday, but like Motion City Soundtrack's Broken Heart said " You never get used to it, you just have to live with it."

Now all that remains is to await for a moment of success or failure. Maybe I'll lose out but it sure as hell won't stop me from trying. After all, I never shirk from challenges. Even though it makes me feel like I'm floundering in the middle of the sea, and it feels like the crashing waves are breaking me into half, I'm going to try. Better to have tried than regret.

Anyways, finals in a month's time. So I have to start shifting my focus and saying no to going out. Hopefully I have enough will power to say no. I miss being that kid that went around breaking hearts because at that time the world seemed so much easier. But love does many things to teach you a lesson. So here I am stuck on a ship that seems destined for shipwreck. So God, even though in this recent years my faith in you has waned, I'm going to ask you for one favour. Give me the strength, will, power, wisdom, words to achieve this task. Coz no one else is seemingly able to help me in this. Thank you :)

You

2009-10-14T11:13:00.002-07:00

A sudden wind and I wanted to say it was you
I never been so confused about who knows the truth
It began when I wanted to say it was you
Cause I swore you had your head in this too

Mood Rings by Relient K

2009-10-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

We all know the girls that I am talking about,
Well they are time bombs and they are ticking,
And the only question is when they'll blow up,
And they'll blow up, we know that without a doubt,
Coz they're those girls,
Yeah those girls that let their emotions get the best of them.

And I contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man,
Lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings,
So we'll be tipped of to when they're ticked off,
Coz we'll know just what they're thinking.

She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way,
Her mood's out swinging almost everyday,
She said to me she's so happy it's depressing,
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring.

If it's drama you want then look no further,
Like the real world meets boy meets world,
Meets days of our lives,
And it just kills me how they get away with murder,
They'll anger you then about they're eyes,
Those pretty eyes that watch you symphatise.

She's so pretty but she doesn't always act that way,
Her mood's out swinging almost everyday,
She said to me she's so happy it's depressing,
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring.

Coz when it's black means watch your back,
Coz you're probably the last person in the world right now she wants to see,
And when its blue you should call her immediately and ask her out,
Coz she'll most likely agree,
And when its green it simply means that she is really stressed,
And when its clear it means she completely emotionless,
And that's alright I must confess.

We all know the girls that I am talking about,
She liked you wednesday but now its friday and she has to wash her hair,
And it just figures that we'll never figure them out,
First she's Jekyll and then she's Hyde,
At least she makes a lovely pair.

Mood ring, oh mood ring,
Oh tell me will you bring the key to unlock this mystery,
Of girls and their emotions played back in slow motion,
So I may understand the complex infrastructure that rules the female mind.

College Life

2009-05-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm still enjoying the new environment. Some good bits here and there. Have some new good friends, have met some rather annoying people too. The early hours of class are killing me...esp because I sleep like a dead man. Even with 3 alarms going off like its a madhouse, my brain still refuses to wake me up. Oh well, time for a 4th alarm :) The new lifestyle here rather suits me I guess, much more easy-going. But there are those stressful times that are really full of tension, but that is what life is about eh.

Overall, its still like high school I guess. With all the rumours, relationships, class politics, annoying people, cool people..etc. Oh, the love situation in my life is as always having its up and downs. Right now its in a downward spiral but hopefully, it'll bounce back up. Lately, its as though I'm going through the motions, many a moment I've felt great and the next I just feel like shit. Oh well, nothing much has changed about me I guess..Miss some of my friends back home, those times we had together can now be called "the good ol' times".

It's 4.51 a.m. on a Friday (or Saturday morning actually)..so tomorrow no class, hehe. But i have assignments to do!! argh!!!...pain in d ass I tell ya...so I'm off to bed..nite nite world..hopefully tomorrow will be a good day =)

P.s. read dis blog post. agree with the point but wished it was more generalised. http://cammieyeen.blogspot.com/2009/05/what-disgrace.html

Dark as the Night

2009-03-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

I remember asking my father when I was young why do men fear the dark.
His answer was because it is in the dark that most evil things are done.

Somehow I revel in the dark yet fear it. In the night everything seems to be sharper and more macabre. Yet, it is in the night when I think about things the most, it helps me calm my thoughts down. It allows me to reflects. The quiet, the dead-ness of everything, it has such a feeling of belonging in it.

When the stars are out, the world feels so much different. A sense of belonging that words can't describe. Here in the darkest of dens, I feel peace of mind, the tumultions of daily chores and fakeness thrown aside. Truthfully, I remember those words from my father most out of any memory I have of him, maybe because he hit on the nail. But maybe, just maybe, a little good can be found in the night too :)

A Hint Of Desperation

2009-03-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

My words are never enough, i use them lightly. I find myself trying to sound like poet or writer, but when the words come out, I sound more like a fool. I try to find myself, but I'm afraid I will never find out who I really am.

It was never easy in the first place, but I did what I could. I still feel like I dissapointed everyone because I always have high expectations. The need to be better for everyone else has got me into a web I can't get out of. Bring me back to the start where everything was so much clearer. The words that come out are nothing but a collection of desperation through the years. I feel like I'm fighting against the current and I'm running out of will to keep on fighting

More Than Anything, I Wish I Fit Into This Time and Age

2009-03-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

I still remember how much i related to the lines in the Lord of the Rings when Aragorn asked Eowyn " What do you fear, maiden of Rohan?". Her answer was "to stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire. When all chance for valour is gone beyond reach."

How sad then that I come to realise, in this world that time has indeed dawned. No longer is chivalry or valour within reach. This world has created an atmosphere where cunning and evil prosper. And the more I live here, the more I feel empty, like I'm trapped in a cage.

I find no more enjoyment in almost anything I do, no longer is there that chance to prove your bravery and chivalry above all others. Yet, if and when one day, valour is called upon, I will be there.

P.s. this post may seem a little narcisisstic, but really this is just how I've felt for a long time.

My Sundown

2008-12-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

I see it around me,
I see it in everything,
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbyes,
This is my sundown,
I'm gonna be so much more than this.

With one hand high,
You'll show them your progress,
You'll take your time,
But no one cares, no one cares.
No one cares.

I need you to show me the way from crazy,
I wanna be so much more than this.

With one hand high,
You'll show them your progress,
You'll take your time,
But no one cares,
With one hand high,
You'll show them your progress,
You'll take your time,
But no one cares, no one cares,
No one cares.

I could be so much more than this,
No one cares,
I wanna be so much more than this,
No one cares, no one cares.

Have you had this feeling? when absolutely nobody understands you. I'm not talking about the teenage rebellious stage but a stage of life where you just realize nobody understands or cares and you accept it. There is no hoping that they would understand, they just can't. Your parents, your friends, they just won't understand because they are so detached. When you know it's time to say goodbye, but you love them so much. Yet it's time to say goodbye. I will leave and probably won't leave much of a trace. Goodbye, I'm off to see what life has in store for me in the future. For all the laughs and anger and tears, thank you. =)

I Find Little Reason To Live, Even Less To Die..So I Live While Being Dead On The Inside

2008-10-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I find humans quite boring..so predictable..so foolish. But I'm just being human.

So....thought I'd just share something I was watching the other day. It was a video by George Carlin who recently passed away and was a stand up comedian but more the point, he was just a realist and he just looked at the grim truth and wasn't afraid to point out our ignorance.

So he was speaking about people who always say they're trying to save the planet. How we should do our best to keep the world clean and heal it. What a load of CRAP! okay, so here's almost exactly what he says in the video:

So there are many people in the world worried about everything nowadays. Worried about the air, soil, the water, insecticides, pesticides, food additives, carcinogens, radon gas, asbestos, worrying about Saving Endangered Species...So trying to save endangered species, it's just humans trying to meddle with the cycle of nature. Already over 90% of all the species that ever lived in this world are gone and we didn't kill them all.

Everybody now is so self-important, so arrogant. They've gotta save everything, the worst of this is trying to save the planet. Save the planet? We don't even know how to take are of ourselves yet! We haven't even learnt how to care for one another, and we're gonna save the f*cking planet?? Plus this environmentalists, don't even care care about the planet, not in the abstract. They're just interested in having a clean place to live, they're own habitat. They're worried that one day they may be inconvinienced.

Besides, and I've been trying to say this a long time, there is nothing wrong with the planet, it's the people who are f*cked! The planet has been around millions of years before mankind, it's being doing fine all this time and we have the conceit to think we are a threat to the planet?? And we think some plastic and aluminium cans are gonna make a difference?

In the end, we'll be long gone before this planet is destroyed. We'll be dead and the planet will still be fine. The planet will also heal itself once it's gone. It'll just recover to it's former self with us gone.

*The end*

Well, hope you enjoyed that refreshing point of view. George Carlin, you truly were a man who wasn't afraid to speak the truth.

The Small Things That Outweigh The Big Things

2008-10-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

This title is in regard to relationships and the gender it is in regard to is my fellow males. How often do we make the mistake of having a relationship end and end up wondering why it all broke down after everything had gone on like a fairy tale relationship.

Maybe the problem with these relationships is inconsistency. Drawing on experience, I can say some relationships live on adrenaline, on having great times once in awhile but at others times the levels of communication, of learning about each other, seem to be less than mediocre.

For example, great leaders are only made through being different than the norm which stands for the public. Although it took that leader a lot of perseverance and will power to be different, that norm was equally or more important. That norm was the prerequisite for that leader to be seen as different.

And so, in every relationship, having great times are great and maybe important to keep things from becoming boring but more important than that is the norm. It's how you live everyday with each other. It's how you communicate with each other everyday and learn how to tolerate and love each others habits. Its like a marathon, you may have areas where you have speed bursts and run faster in other parts but in the bigger picture, its where you felt like stopping but kept on running even at a slower pace that got you to the finish line.

So in conclusion, make sure you work harder on the small things or the norm harder than when you work on the big things. Being romantic is easy, being caring and understanding all the time is another matter altogether. Hope you liked this one.

P.S. (to whom it concerns) I love My Comforter!!

P.P.S. thanks for mentioning my post on your blog Melissa, your help in not making this a redundant blog is highly appreciated =P

A Funeral For Chivalry

2008-10-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Continuing from the previous post which I think was quite accurate but not that interesting.

I'll continue with the female part.

I believe the greatest weakness of men, note that i said 'greatest', is women. Sadly, females always say chivalry is dead. The only reason for this is because women killed it. Chivalry got killed by the feminist movements and magazines where women got too much advice from this magazines about men from other women. And those women have no idea what they're talking about!

These magazines trick women. They start picking on your self-esteem. In every page you turn, you start to feel fatter or uglier and you feel that your clothes aren't good enough and these magazines make you forget how beautiful you really are. If women were a stock(as in the stock market), it'd be plummeting right now coz you flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too cheaply.

A woman's test in life is Material, a Man's test in life is women. Men have nice cars not because they like fast cars, it's because they know women like nice cars. Men are always the hunters and the car is the bait.

SO this is all I could think of right now. Hope it was good.

P.S. (to whom it concerns) I love my comforter

Outrage At The Beast Of Stupidity Called Males and Females

2008-09-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

Truly, I have seen too much in a lifetime already. The cruelty of men, the mind games of women. It all converges into a distorted picture with the title " A Beautiful Lie".

Males

Seriously, even I have to admit we can be the most stupid of creatures at times and it's hard not to try to defend our stupid actions...but ill try to remain neutral. Plato once said.. ' Ignorance, the root and stem of every evil.' The hardheadedness of men in their beliefs often prove to be their downfall. Guys like Hitler just believed in his ideology too much and men fail to change their mindset.

A word of advice for the girls, there will surely be, if you have a guy as your best friend, that in some part of the relationship he will think of you as more than a friend. In the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" the main character says "why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?". I found myself laughing at those words coz it made me realize its quite true. He probably didn't mean love itself but more like a trick our mind likes to play on us. I guess its what they call Infatuation, but it's something more, its like your soul, mind and body rejoices at a connection with someone of the opposite sex. Yet, it is one of our flaws.

Again, for the girls...it truly is hard to make guys love but if you do, it also invokes a great obsession. But man don't graduate till you have your heart broken. It either kills you or makes you fat. After the break up.....girls, you cry and let it all out and that's good. but guys, keep it all inside, try to act tough......walk around and get hit by trucks...And for guys, they can't even listen to music without getting reminded of her. even stupid songs like 'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' and you go like..."reminds me of my girl...she got a nose just like that. and even worse, after that, everytime you see her she just looks better. With some other guy, then then you feel like killing everyone in the world. It's weird how we react when we are heartbroken as males.

P.S. (to whom it concerns) i love my comforter

P.P.S this post shall be continued when my inspiration strikes back. thanks for reading.

Well, Well....So Here We Are...

2008-09-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

So here we are...in this society...a society described by someone as "a society which reads too much to be smart, a society which thinks too much to be beautiful."i think I've slowly been honing in on a conclusion. A conclusion which is that we all know we live in this fantasy, we all can see whats going on but we cant live without it. it's like a drug, all this power, all this money, all this manipulation...its just one whole big LIE. but flawed as we are, we simply can't do without this lie, we need it to sustain ourselves. We need it to make ourselves feel important. We need it because without it, what are we? we lose the only meaning in our lives, that is to live in this so called society, living out each of our responsibilities.

Think about it, without all this jobs, with the sheer knowledge that simple things need to be done, we could do it. we could each assign ourselves jobs to make food, generate electricity, etc. but we need something else to run this cycle of slavery, we need money and positions of power and i refer to the "Peter Principle". It's a real thing, look it up on Yahoo or Wikipedia. it states that "In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence." Truly, as promotions advance, so does the level of incompetence. lesser is the work level, the stress level..but maybe, just maybe, the level of chance of corruption increases too.

Enough said about this things, I would recommend anyone to read "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. It is an eye opener to the levels of ignorance we can lead ourselves to in this society but beware. it is also a window into the eye of a psychological murderer. it isn't really shown in the book, but you come to understand the reasons why things like that happen. here's a small preface to what the book is about.

The novel tells of a young man named Dorian Gray, the subject of a painting by artist Basil Hallward. Basil is greatly impressed by Dorian's physical beauty and becomes strongly infatuated with him, believing that his beauty is responsible for a new mode in his art. Talking in Basil's garden, Dorian meets Lord Henry Wotton, a friend of Basil's, and becomes enthralled by Lord Henry's world view. Espousing a new kind of hedonism, Lord Henry suggests that the only thing worth pursuing in life is beauty, and the fulfilment of the senses. Realising that one day his beauty will fade, Dorian cries out, wishing that the portrait Basil has painted of him would age rather than himself. Dorian's wish is fulfilled, subsequently plunging him into a series of debauched acts. The portrait serves as a reminder of the effect each act has upon his soul, with each sin being displayed as a disfigurement of his form, or through a sign of aging.

P.S. (to whom it may concern) I really really love my comforter.

P.P.S. in the next update which should come pretty soon, i will write my observations about both the stupidity of males and females. hope you liked this one =)

Love and Your Stupid Idea of It

2008-08-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

Love in the modern age has become an object, something to attain, something to have like a toy. IT has become something teenagers at my age think we can find in anyone around us. Love is not attainable. It is something to come into, like maturity. We like, rather than we love. Infatuation has become the language of marriage. So many break-ups and divorces happening. It is like the Christmas present we got. When finding out what it is, we are excited and when we have opened and seen our toy, we see it as something so fun and great. But as the weeks, months and even years past by..it slowly becomes ugly in your eyes. An eyesore as compared to the beautiful thing it had been before.

So I have likened Relationships to a Shoe. Many have disagreed to the way I have symbolized relationships. But what else could it be? We find the shoe that looks the best in our eyes, the one that our friends will look at and say : that's a nice thing you got. We find the best brand, like Nike or Adidas which could symbolize he things he/she stands for, his principles and moralities. We find the perfect blend of colors like black and white, or red and black which symbolize the shades of attitudes out partner has. We look for the right shape and design we want like the looks that our partner has. A wise man once said, "Only the shallow don't judge by appearances". So do not say the heart only matters. We as humans, are programmed to look for the fair and beauty in everyone. And if can't find it, they are labeled in our heads as not so pleasant to be with or not nice to be seen with. We might also look for a shoe that has a good grip symbolizing the grip that other has. being down-to-earth or funny or serious or with a good future.

Yet, I believe the search for love has to be to find all those specifications to fit and the most important is that you find the right size. Someone you can fit in with. As in, fitting into their life, fitting into their views and personality, fitting in with their friends, their family...etc. How you fit into their lives will make most of the difference in the relationship. The important thing to know is, you will never fit in if you don't have the right size. So to make things work, you have to find the right size and not try to fit in. If the boot fits, it fits. But if it doesn't, yo might as well find another "shoe"

With every pair of shoes you wear, they will tend to get smelly and so in every relationship, there will problems and sets of trials. It is up to you to find a way to keep things fresh. Freshening things up with anti-bacteria sprays or washing the "shoe". In which the spray could represent a way to freshen things up by doing something fun or romantic together. Or by "washing" it which could represent a period spent away. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". Many a time relationships need time-outs to how both parties really need each other.

Well, in saying all that. Have fun shopping for your shoe!!

A Poem To Assure

2008-08-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Written In his resilience following the amputation of his foot due to tubercular infection.

Though I fight alone, though I stand against the whole world, though they stone me and accuse me, I will not back down. I will not bow to rules. I will not let civilization dictate my life. I live and die my own way.

Pathos and All of His Friends.

2008-07-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

Shall I demonstrate a little pathos or just be worried of what we could become??

Last night, a sudden realization hit me. Having a little argument with my mum( we all have em don't we) in the car, listening to an old Stevie Wonder song, she said nice beat for the song but lousy lyrics...the song being 'Part Time Lover'. Somehow i took offense in that and i retorted softly, "maybe it's because you cannot comprehend it." She felt insulted and said some stuff like, ' I've known this songs before you were born. I don't listen to music now because i don't want to fill my head with trash.' And all the time i could only feel pathos for her.

It opened my eyes to certain matters.

1. If you can't see the singers/artist's point of view on the subject. don't say it's a bad song, rather see it as something you can't comprehend and try adopting his point of view.

2. Many of us are so afraid to lose what is left in us, we try to protect it so we are not influenced. We lose out on an important factor in life, that is NOT to be influenced but rather expose yourself to new experiences and views. There is no such thing as good or bad. ONLY your opinion of it is what matters.

3. Adults have been trying to tell us they know what's best about everything always BUT aren't they just a manifestation of what they've been told all their lives too? They believe that they know better but is it possible to on certain areas, we as teenagers could have a possibly better prospect about things. well, we'd certainly tell you that we do.

4. Never lose your love for music. IT helps us release some tension and find some peace in the music and words. Stop and you become bitter and filled with anger you seem to let out on anyone you can.

Maybe I'm wrong. but that's just a point of view isn't it?

Due To Further Encouragement and A Little Vanity

2008-07-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

Today I found realization, call it a revelation.
In a television show i was watching earlier in the day, the characters were saying the meaning of life was: spending your whole life wondering what life means but never actually finding out.
One of the characters exclaimed: So God made us smart enough to know there is an answer but not enough to figure it out.

Later in the night, i was watching another show, it was talking about how people with great genius, great talent die at such young ages. people like Van Gogh, like Mozart.

I have always seen the meaning of life as a man-made thing. we are not given life by choice, but rather by a bio-chemical reaction of some sort. so just enjoy it while you can.

But this is not about my point of view. rather, it is more about why geniuses, imbued with great talent and vision are given such a swift and quick end. there may be no answer. but i like to look at it like this. with the great intelligence they were given, they probably found the meaning of life. that is to inspire, to make anew something and make something undying and always in the memories of those who witness. to make people happy in short.

To a certain extent, I try to cheer people up when they are down. Somehow, I find some self-satisfaction knowing i made someone's day brighter and gave them inspiration to look forward to the future.

Know Thyself

2008-07-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

Over entrance to the Oracle of Apollo in Delphi in ancient Greece were the words: "Man, know thyself and thou will know the universe and the Gods."

Knowing thyself. How can we really know who or what we are like? Possible more than 50% of what makes who we are are based on people's perception of you. But if we dared to look in and see who we really are, would we see then the truth that we so often hide away from, for fear that the disgrace of this realization that we are much more worse off than we dare to admit is going to be our downfall.

Would we see then, that it is time to change?

Could we save things from the way they're going?

Looking back at our recent past, it looks impossible. But Individually, could we take a look in the mirror and admit to our flaws? can we face the cold hard fear that we are not like animals, we could possibly be worse?

Know Thyself.

Another quote I'd like to talk about is a very popular one. "A friend in need is a friend indeed."
I cannot comprehend how most people cannot see that this was probably and most likely written in a sarcastic tone. Think about it.

Truly, when a friend needs help with one thing or another, they can suddenly have d sweetest tongues known in the history of mankind. The remarkable pertinence of hypocrisy is so astoundingly clear.

Maybe I could be looking at this from the wrong point of view, so I'm open to anyone to show me why this quote doesn't contain the tone of clarity upon the hypocrisy of some friends.

Crossroad To Paradise Or Total Destruction

2008-07-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Truly I feel like I'm at a crossroad.

Not knowing which way to take. If I go this way, it might end total humiliation and disgrace.
Whilst, the other road may lead to a happy ending, a solution to a trouble-filled life.

Relationships
1. Shall I continue being single and through that find maturity in future relationships?

2. Shall I start dating again coz I feel like I should and it would provide a temporary if fake illusion that everything is ok?

Or is it just a path back to my old unethical ways.

Future
1. Should I go all out for a bright future? Should I become what I should have been all this years?

2. Should I sit down and relax and live life the way i see it should be lived?

Or am I just going to end up a low-end teenage waste.

Solutions??
Take a blind leap of faith and see where I end up? Falling firmly on my feet or a plunge into a never-ending chasm.

Change the way people perceive who I am? Become a socialite and everybody's best friend or stay this way and let people think what they will but stay true to my principles.

Maybe I need help. Maybe this is my S.O.S. or Maybe this could just be a ridiculous rant that came out of a simple mind bored out of its wits. What do I do? Show me or Blindfold me. The choice is in your hands.

Dreafully Yours,

2008-06-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Sick of trying to be more than a memory for people. You try, You try to make an impact so they remember you. Remember you being a special friend who encouraged and helped you through your problems. I tried. Tried helping, tried being there when they need someone to talk to. What the use? They forget you in a week or so, go back to their normal lives and you are left there wondering. Wondering why the heck you bothered with them in the first place.

be more than that. be grateful. i don't wanna sound narcissistic but be more grateful. to anyone reading this. be grateful when a friend takes the time to comfort you and listen to your problems. remember them.

What's Come and Gone.

2008-06-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

The times have brought on an inexplicable change.

Things have taken turns for the worst and I'm left with a broken heart and a vast void within me.

Who else is there to blame except myself.

Why can't anyone see past this wall I built around me? Why can't you see I'm about to break into a million pieces?

I've given my all, I'm falling now. Somethings wrong because I find the glamor in the dark side?
Or am I just being humane.

I feel myself bleeding away what life I have left in me. Put me to sleep and never think about me again.

Let this be my macabre cry out.

The holidays have come and gone. I have already lost whatever feelings of life I thought I found again. The people I spent my time with will never realize just how much I wish I could be like them. More animated, filled with the will to live and become something more than this.

Somehow I find myself hating the way my friends just tease each other every single damn day. Isn't life hard enough already without your constant reminders that we are not perfect??

To my focal point of whimsical talk, Girls. I seriously could live without most of you. Take offense because I'm just being honest. Without the useless desire of sex, maybe guys would come to their wits. Some of you act like you're above us. Like you could dictate the mind of a male. Maybe some guys would bow to your every word but not me. What is a MAN, What has he got? If not himself, then he has not. To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels. Let the record show, I took the blows and did it my way. This eternal fight about who is the better gender, male or female. How idiotic can the human race become? We are all humans, male or female. We face the same problems day after day. We fight the same fight. Of course, we have different sets of responsibilities. So why compare each other? We do what we can with whats been given to us. There is a minority of girls who see past this stereotype and are able to communicate openly. Truly, I find no other joy in communicating with the other sex without having to worry that they will judge me and condemn me.

I might fall into this grave I have dug out for myself.

Give me a final kiss and say goodbye.

I'm lost and broken. Hopeless and Lonely.

Smiling on the outside but hurt beneath my skin.

My eyes are fading, my Soul is bleeding.

I try to make it seem okay but my faith is wearing thin.

I will stay here and not move a breath until you come into this cold, dark cave with warmth and save me before my last heart beat.

Till a brighter day dawns.

Vincent

2008-04-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

This song has helped me through hard moments at many a time. Great lyrics. They refer to Van Gogh. An artist who never fitted into the society but was truly much more sane than anyone else. he lived with his brother most of the time. At one time, when he lost d friendship of a very close friend, he cut off his own ear in despair. He took his life in the end. Truly he may never have known it but his life was an inspiration to many.

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflecting Vincent's eyes of China blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hands

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as
beautiful as you

Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
A silver thorn on a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.

If ever one day I gave up and took my life, hopefully my life would be remembered for the good reasons.

Suicide Wannabe

2008-04-14T10:24:00.001-07:00

Empty.Desolate.Hopeless.Devastated.Angry.Lost.

If ever there was a Suicide Wannabe, I would be It.

Time may heal but Time is TOO long.

Words may help but WHICH words.

Music may comfort but only for a SHORT period.

Friends may be the solution but they aren't ALWAYS around.

how did I come to this? I thought I swore things won't ever return to THIS. I thought trying to be apathetic would be my camouflage.

hopefully something good will come out of this.i donno what to expect.i feel like a piece of cracked glass waiting for someone to come along and BREAK me.i know this is all stupid.so how come i can't jump out of this stupidity and find some trepidation.

come on.just fix me or break me.losing my mind really.everything feels like its trying to burst out of my mind.i'm dead.dead on the inside.

The Chronicles Of Life and Death: Early Childhood Days

2008-03-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

Due to some thinking, some events, some added sorrow...I've decided to write about my life...I mean the key events in my life making me who I am. When I'm dead, maybe people will appreciate it? Well, here goes.

1991

I was born in Butterworth, Penang. Things are pretty much blur at this point and the next few years. and I am VERY PROUD to be from Penang aka Malaysia's Island Of Food. I do know after a few months we moved to Segamat, Johor where I spent around 6 years making friends there. The simplest and best moments of my life were there. I remember days spent playing in the rain with friends houses nearby so i could go see them a lot. I remember Benjamin, Kay Teck, Harvey being among my closest friends. Learned what I know of how to play badminton from there. I remember the Teh's especially well. The 1st time i spent the night at their house, i cried even though my house was like a minute's walk away. In the coming years, they would become like family to me. Oddly, one of the strongest memories of the house we lived in I have is my parent's bed. Maybe its coz I spent most of my time sleeping and playing there. I remember always having a bad mood when I woke up. I have to say my fav cartoon was "Doraemon". That cartoon will always be stuck in my memory.

This concludes the "Early Childhood" chapter. more to come soon....:D

Changes....I Guess?

2008-03-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Time is something i really really hate.....it brings on certain doom, it makes you wait till it knows it has you in it's clutch and then screws you. it's just lame...but I've been thinking..don't I always. Now stuff has been going on. Good stuff actually.. After a long time, I guess fate has taken some measure of mercy on me.

Met someone :D someone really special! her name is? dunno if she would warrant me writing her name here but i guess ill just call her Isabella. don't even know if i spelled it correctly, haha. she's really something...noisy(in a good way), crazy(thats what guys should look for when they search for a girlfriend,lol), simple, complicated, nuts, really an awesome girl all in all! guess what?! I'm in love :D not trying to be perasan-ted but somehow i realized shes like d coolest person I've ever known!(i know it sounds lame)

So stuffs been going uphill in d love division of Peter's Most Of The Time Suckish Life Ptd. Ltd. Maryann the Sakai is enjoying life in US of A....wait till i get my hands on the chocs she brings back.grades are going up(hopefully it aint a temporary thing). oh...and i realised after this year i wont be able to hang out with the guys in school like i do everyday...i say it with total sadness coz this are the guys ive known for a freakin long time and we're all a close group. it will jus SUCK when we go our separate ways after this year...but then again..all good things come to an end don't they.

Many people have been asking me about my somewhat lewd and strong names in MSN messenger...well, its coming from all the Motion City SOundtrack songs. they're really really awesome..how can you not relate to those words of loneliness and awkwardness and disappointments. anyways, i just relate to those songs.dont blame me for making my msn name "lets get fucked up and die"...im just speaking figuratively.

A lot has been said about the recent elections our country just went through. surprisingly the opposition won in a lot of places.now I'm gonna talk about why the heck i say we shouldn't vote.everybody complains about politicians...everybody says they suck..but where do they come from? they come from...malaysian parents, malaysian homes, malaysian schools, and elected by MALAYSIAN citizens.its what our system produces...garbage in, garbage out!if you have selfish ignorant citizens, you're gonna have SELFISH, IGNORANT leaders.so maybe its not the politicians who suck...maybe its the public.

BECAUSE if its really jus the fault of this politicians, where are all the bright people of conscience? where are all the bright, intelligent, honest malaysians ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way...u noe why? coz we dont have people like that in this country.simple solution...DONT FREAKIN VOTE....

2 reasons....1st of all its meaningless...this country was bought, sold, paid for a long time ago.the shit they do every four years doesnt mean a f*kin thing.2ndly, if you vote, u got no right to complain.people like to say if you dont vote you dont have the right to complain. wheres the logic in that?if you vote and elect DISHONEST, INCOMPETENT people and they get into the office and SCREW everything up, you're responsible for what they have done.you're the one who has no right to complain. I...who on the other hand...who did not vote..have the right to complain about the mess you created! so there you have it! what i think about elections.

poeple just ain't no good.....

2007-12-29T11:19:00.001-08:00

people just ain't no good...i think thats well understood......you can see it everywhere you go....people just ain't no good......talk about living in hard times....i can never comprehend such discontent and fear that have driven people to follow rules and stay as a "proper citizen". i know people want to fight back and they want a better place to live.but it may already be too late...times are such that murder is read on news like daily horoscopes.....it's not disgusting or shameful anymore....rape, murder, sodomy, killing......it's become an everyday event for us. how could we reach this level of shame.....has it always been this way?? will it remain the same?? honestly, if i had to choose between the survival of mankind or mother nature, I'd choose mother nature. i don't see d point of human beings in this world. all they do is make things worse....but worst of all, they are oblivious to it! they seem to be under the delusion that they're doing what they can to save earth....but after giving real thought to it, you might just realize that the solution to all these destruction is just the extinction of mankind.

Words Of Ignominy Of A 16 Year Old Mind

2007-09-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

If you guys were wondering what ignominy means. look it up! maybe you'd learn something from my rantings.it means "to feel disgrace". and I've titled this post like that because every part of my "16 Year Old Mind" posts are actually expressing the deep disgrace and shame i feel to be apart of a generation which only knows how to oppress and push things for their own luxury. I look up to the men of the past. Men like Aristotle, Plato, Mark Twain. This were men who could see what the human race was headed for and they voiced out they're feelings about an already deeply corrupted and mindless they're fellow citizens were.

let me share some quotes from some of the brightest philosophers in the history of mankind.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -Mark Twain

Digest This:
Those words explain that schooling does not really educate you. Rather it teaches you things which are not necessary to know for life. What you need is the Education Of Life. something lacking in every teaching institution in today's modern world. but i dont expect all of you to wholly grasp this theory. because you've been taught to think that these schools will give you what you need. throw those teachings away and learn that life is not what it seems.

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. -Winston Churchill

Makan This:
When will these adults learn! I will learn everything in my own time. they try to set datelines when we must know as much as everybody else. and they dare to say we differ from each other. if so, why make exams? why force kids to learn stuff which if given they're own time and space, will be mastered. maybe they'll even be better than the professionals.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -Winston Churchill

Take This In:
One of my favorite quotes!The whole human race(or rather the majority of it) can be likened to a huge herd of bustling, hungry, filthy pigs. the difference is, pigs have mud on em, while us humans have blood on us. we have the blood of millions of innocent men, children and women on us. u may not be a murderer literally. but every luxury you've enjoyed, every expensive meal you've had, every nice clothe you've bought...there is a dead human to replace it.

The greatest evil is not done in those sordid dens of evil that Dickens
loved to paint ... but is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried and minuted) in clear,
carpeted, warmed, well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars
and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices.-CS Lewis

Ambik This In:
CS Lewis just proves to be the man who saw the truth as much as I do. but if you think about this quote, it starts to sink in. and the sad thing about it, this is the TRUTH!The greatest evils are not done by monsters or the orcs you see in the Lord Of The Rings. Rather it is ordered by men in suits in air-conditioned, carpeted, clean offices who at the raise of a finger can have what they want.

Wretched, ephemeral race, children of chance and tribulation,
why do you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most profitable for
you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach:
not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However,
the second best thing for you is: to die soon.-Aristotle

Read Into This:
Haha, i wish these words could be printed on a shirt, I'd be the 1st to buy a dozen of em! All you want to do is gossip and listen to secrets. well, heres one! i want you to be dead. stop beng bu bodies trying to bud into poeple's life and trying to act like "know-it-alls" when your lives actually mean nothing.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.-Plato

Baca Into This:
Well, what are you waiting for?! go play with your best friend!

Interpretations Of A 16 Year Old Mind

2007-09-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

Hey! I'm back to writing this series of commercial breaks :D It's been a good few days. really coming to grip with a lot of things. Most of my close friends have left or are leaving soon. so thats the way of life. just gotta make new 1s. anyways, ive been re-reading some of mark twain's finest works and i tell you he was a man who could the truth. he could see the things i see nowadays in modern times. wanted to share some of his words with anyone who reads my blog!

Text
(this being said about three men who were met by a knight from the future)
And yet these were not slaves, nor chattels. By a sarcasm of law and phrase these were free men. Seven tenths of the free population were just of their class and their degree which is to say, they were the nation, the actual NATION; they were about all of it that was useful, or worth saving, or really respect-worthy; and to subtract them would have been to subtract the Nation and leave behind some dregs, some refuse in the shape of a King, nobility and gentry, idle, unproductive, acquainted mainly with the arts of wasting and destroying, and of no sort of use or value in any rationally constructed world. And yet, by ingenious contrivance, this gilded minority, instead of being in the tail of the procession where it belonged, was marching head up and banners flying, at the other end of it; had elected itself to be the nation, and these innumerable clams had permitted it so long that they had come at last to accept it as the truth; and not only that, but to believe it right as it should be.

My Interpretation
Well, its easy to see this in our modern age. we are the citizens and we make up more than 80% of the population and somehow we find ourselves being pushed about by a government who says it is correct in every move. and any move against it is rebellion. we have come to believe it as the truth! THAT IS THE TRAGEDY OF IT! how have we come to these conclusions.we are made to work our asses off just so that the people we work for can become even more rich, we work so that they can boss us around and make fuss about any small wrong! respect, we are the ones who deserve it because we work so hard everyday for our families. tell me what they have done to deserve respect. nothing at all! quoting from Aristotle "Law is mind without reason." and it simply means that law makes us think it is right even though there is no reason for it to be.

Text
You see my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its office-holders. he country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, decease and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags- that is loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it. I was from Connecticut, whose Constitution declares 'that all political power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have at all times an undeniable and indefeasible right to alter their form of government in such a manner as may think expedient'. Under that gospel, the citizen who thinks he sees that the commonwealth's political clothes are worn out, and yet holds his peace and does not agitate for a new sure, is disloyal; he is a traitor. that he may be the only one who thinks he sees this decay does not excuse him; it is his duty to agitate anyway, and it is the duty of the others to vote him down if they do not see the matter as he does.

My Interpretation
So what he is basically trying to say is, that you should be loyal to your country and not the leaders because the leaders have too often a time gone astray in what they've been sworn to do. instead they breed confusion and destruction. and if that is the case, it is your duty as a citizen to voice out your view even though you're the only one who sees it that way.If you don't state your feelings even though you can see the corruption in the leadership, then you are the traitor. so be the one who is loyal! fight for what you believe in as I always say.

So in conclusion to the things I've written down, I just wanna say that I'm very unhappy with the state of life now. I don't think this is what we deserve for a life so brief. we deserve something better and something more beautiful.If you're with me just voice yourself out coz I feel so alone in this. We've been lied to for too long. And our eyes are blinded by the nets of deceive they have woven around us. take care! and be brave!

Mark's Birthday 2007!

2007-09-08T10:15:00.004-07:00

Mark's birthday. a few things sum up why it was a great birthday party. good food, tasty cake, good friends(rempits involved), great games, good dancing moves. its mark's 16th birthday! supposed to be sweet sixteen eh?! haha...............

Well, it kicked off at around 8 and we went for the food 1st! man, tasty foood!!! wish i took somepics of it for u all to slober over :D well, after that fahmi started his house to house bengkel thing making mark bring different screwdrivers to fix his motor! haha, well, after that we went into the house to play some games. 1st we played charades and magnificently, my team could guess my movies easily and we won! next we played truth or dare. hirann had to hug some guy and say i love you...another guy had to propose to alvin and a few secrets were spilled out! and it was funny! haha!

then it was off to the dance floor and we had some stupid moves and all. we changed sports into dancing moves and stupid alvin was doing some fighting dancing while nurvin looked like he was in a trance or something. oh well, there goes to show not all of us are great dancers! and once again, we did not fail to do the sam thing we did in dianne's bday and mal's bday party! that stupid dancing crap! haha, well you've gotta be there to feel the fun!looking forward to the next birthday party! *hint hint carol*

Sunway 2007 Part 3 (The Return of The 3 Pariahs!!!)

2007-09-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Peteragorn says to Darrenollum and Sati-UrukHai,"Here we are at the end of the evil. We have brought it to an end and now we can go back to the Shiremban". Well, watch out coz the Orcs(satish), Hobbits(Darren-actually perverted hobbits) and Men(Peter) are coming back in the last episode of the thrilling trilogy of The Lords Of The Goggles: The Return Of The Pariahs!

The day starts of at 9 am, with alot of squibbling around coz we're all trying to get to the bathroom first.Leaving the hotel room in a messy state would be an understatement. 1st thing on the ist was....guess what! SUNWAY LAGOON! and boy, were we excited. even walking the long way there didnt produce any complaints. we reached there, got the tickets and we were in! found the lockers, changed, stuffed our things inside the locker and off we were! playing in the water was nuts, we went to the slides and all. and somehow in one of the damn slides, when we hit the base, my swimming trunks took a little hit so as to show off a little hole in the swimming trunks i had just purchased the day before! ah well, hopefully the girls there enjoyed the view...coz i didnt...and Darrenollum decided to show how smart he was by throwing my goggles and managed to lose it in the water. i was panicking coz the water was getting higher and we were like sakai's looking into the water. haha, well, we finally got a pair of goggles from some Arabian boy(bless you mate!) and Darren found it!!!

Having had enough of the water, we headed off to enjoy the theme park! and one word can sum it all up! TOMAHAWK! we sat on that for 3 times i think and it was crazy fuuun! we were shouting like nutzos! after those adrenaline pumping rides...we somehow ended up on the merry-go-round! after that we walked across this long bridge high up the ground which was AWESOME! well, not exactly, coz i had MR. GOllum hanging on to me for his dear life.after that we decided it was time to go!
Well, we were so exhausted by all the activities that we had to sit down and cool down and chat awhile before resuming of walk back. we went to a MAMAK for lunch. (this trip is fully sponsored by MAMAK and Co.)Went to collect our bags and off we were! caught the bus in the nick of time to Pasar Seni and there I had some Goreng Pisang and Cempedak while having Mr.Gollum make sexual remarks about it(Mr.Gollum: How was the long goreng pisang and the ball?Peteragorn: F off....) queing for the bus back to Shiremban was a pain in the ass. but after we got it, it was all the way back. we slept off alot the whole trip and getting back home was never so sweet!Well, the craziness and madness may be over but be sure that it'll be back. and when it does return, the 3 Pariahs will be there too! :D say goobye to Mr Uruk- Hai over down here! haha!

Confusions In The Mind Of A 16 Year Old.

2007-09-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well, this has become the commercial breaks for the movie trilogy entitled " Sunway 2007" i guess.lately my confusion and frustration has taken on a whole new level. my mind thinks of stuff which i guess normal 16 years old won't even begin to bother about. LOVE, the common word for an affection for something someone. it is perfect, or rather it was. to me, it is the best cause to die for. not for your country, not for your stuff, not for your pride.....not anything else but the glory of love. yet in recent years, love has been perverted, has been tainted....it's very meaning altered by the so called "experts" till we don't know about what it means at all. love does not mean a brief infatuation. too many times have i seen couples apparently "in love" with each other. some last for a few months, some maybe even a few years. but the point I'm trying to make is, if you're not going to love and live with that person's habits for good or for bad....tat ain't love. thats just a plain way of saying,"hey, nice body, wanna have sex?". but sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, there is true love in your life. when it comes along, you won't probably know it. But once you find it, don't let go till the last breath. because I know it's worth fighting for.no matter how many miles away, no matter how people will think of you, no matter how much your parents disapprove, NO MATTER WHAT, FIGHT FOR IT. because,I've felt what its like...and the day i let that love go was the day i'll remember for the rest of my life. Well, getting back to the title, confusions......isn't that what every one of us struggle with everyday? somewhere along the way of modernization, we've slipped into this dark well of darkness which is filled with iNdecIsioNs, DouBt, UncERtaIntY and LiEs!!! how did we end up here? well, there are probably a few reasons for that. we put our lives in the hands of men who don't know how to even take care of their own diet, men who need a dozens of advisers just for their own bills, men who constantly try to fill you with more lies s that they remain in control. somehow this religion gets whacked up in the middle of this, for us Christians, the bible has probably been altered a hundred times, so whos there to tell us whats real and whats not? so many rules which only can be interpreted as, I quote Mark Twain in his story " A Connecticut Yankee At King Arthur's Court": "But then the Church came to the front, with an axe to grind; and she was wise and subtle, and knew more than one way to skin a cat-or a nation; she invented 'divine right of Kings' and propped it all around, brick by brick, with the Beautitudes- wrenching them from their good purpose to make them fortify an evil one; she preached (to the commoner) humility, obedience to superiors, the beauty of self-sacrifice; she preached (to the commoner) meekness under insult; preached (still to the commoner, always the commoner) patience, meanness of spirit, non-resistance under oppression,; and she introduced heritable ranks and aristocracies, ad taught all the Christian populations of the earth to bow down to them and worship them." and in this lines you can probably see, so much of this has been molded into us since a young age till we believe it to be the truth. we have been programmed to think like that and any sort of awareness has been stomped out as soon as possible so that no revolt could begin. have you seen in news how the people who start riots are always shown as the bad people? but think about this then, every time they show that to you, theres that same burning a flag, probably just for one time if they showed them rioters just talking about their life's and how they were affected by the cruel government. I am at a lost just looking at this. and this is only the start of the big picture.we live in a cycle of 2 mechanisms. one called boredom, the other called laziness. we just want more, more, more till its all we can afford! we just wanna buy more expensive stuff till its our limit just to show our friends how successful we are.coats and tuxedos just to look like we are rich and full of shit like the other hundred guys wearing the same shit u are. and have you ever noticed that other peoples stuff is shit while your shit is stuff? coz all we want is jus more stuff so we can fill up the house and when its too packed up, you get a bigger house so that you can put more shit inside.well.........thats the end of confusions, lemme know if you people like this type of posts or you just prefer the "movies"! haha, thanks for reading :D

Sunway 2007 Part 2

2007-09-01T01:56:00.000-07:00

continuing from the 1st part....where did i leave it at? oh yeah, after finishing our awesome ice-skating experience(it was satish's and darren's 1st time!), i bought a nice adidas football :D....after that we headed back to the hotel for a short rest before adjourning back to sunway pyramid for our midnight show at around 9 smth....we had dinner at Long John Silvers which is one of my fav fast food outlets.we watched some pro ice skaters in the rink practicing some moves that all 3 of us knew we weren't gonna be able to do in the near future. so we headed off to the arcade!!! 1st, me and satish were playing some racing games. then darren came along with his "bright idea" to go play the dancing games(u know where you slam your feet on the..pad?). satish and darren started off, i could see satish was just banging anything and everything as fast as he could while darren was going like a pro. i ended up being pulled up by satish, and then it was both of us banging on the pad made for one person like mad people. haha, after that me and satish went to some shooting games....SHOOTING ZOMBIES NEVER FELT SO GOOD! ehemm...well it was fun! we even gave our last token to a girl coz we didn't have enough time before the movie started.

We watched Ratatoueeeeeee! and i gotta tell you, it was one of those movies that left you laughing your guts out! my personal fav line? "appetite is coming and he has a big Ego!". after the movie we had a lil bit of trouble finding our way out.....but as soon as we were free, our stomachs were sending us messages again! so TO THE MAMAK! had some nice food there while watching lame music video clips!

we lefty for our hotel and we were going to sleep straight away.*at least thats what we thought* little did i know darren would be trying to steal my pillow and satish would be trying to "rape" us. well, after trying to sleep, we got out at 3 am with my football and started kicking around! somehow we ended up on the highway, kicking the ball high into the air and playing around at the bus stop!well, at about 5 am, we finally slept off. we probably tired ourselves out by kicking and pushing each other. tomorrow holds a new broad prospect of fun and happiness! wait and see what happened on an even more crazy day in part 3!!!

Disgusted Rantings Of A 16 Year Old Mind!!!

2007-08-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

I know the 2nd installment of Sunway 2007 is not written yet...but just needed to blow some steam off here for now. why do we live in such dissaray....why is my life meaningless.....why am i constantly trying to be more than a memory.wanna know what is on my mind most of the time? girls, death, anger, love-hate, uncertainty, frustration at life! the worst part is whenever i let it out, nobody understands, all they can see is someone who is crazy, heartless...etc. Well, days have gone by...years actually, but still i cant forget the past. its likethe world left me behind and i can never catch up anymore. im fighting, FIGHTING for anything i have but everything looks so dark. i see lies everywhere. i cant seem to understand why and how life ended up like this. oppresion everwhere. tOrturE, HunGer, AngEr, PoVerty, ConFusIon, FrUstRation, SoRrow, HaTred, War!!!! tell me where god is in this??!! what is he doing? trends are the only thing we can follow. what the hell happened to being urself. nowayds ure either a hater or a lover if ure not tat, ure emo, if u re not tat, ure a playa, or a nerd, or a jock! WTF IS WITH ALL THIS LABLES!!! all the country wants to do is spread propaganda! theres gotta be more to this life than ur fucking pimple gals! so many times, ive seen hot gals who keep saying they're too fat or too thin or too many pimples or their clothes dont fit perfectly. use your bloody brains, thats just the way u are. get over it! And guys, stop acting like ure a hardcore no-ass bastard. that doesnt look "cool". it looks like you have no freaking maturity at all. and the worst part is, this assholes got gals all over em? wtf is up with that? are these girls blind? when there are nice guys who will teat them right, theyd rather go for the asshole who will slap them. nowadays, so many people are trying to make a damn statement when im just trying to survive! we live in a dark age of mysticism and tyranny! too many rich old man trying to act like they care for the poor. they can donate 10 thousand to the poor when they have a multi-million dollar house to live in. im not even gonna point out the irony here! we are slaves of what we want! everything we want, we work for it! till it gets spoiled, then u work to fix it....and the story keeps going on. how do we live like this?! i just dont know anymore....at least i could blow off some steam :D

SUNWAY 2007! Part 1

2007-08-31T06:14:00.000-07:00

Sunway 2007! the craziness and madness 3 guys can conjure up is just magnificent! lolz, it was a dreary and wet day on the 24th of august when satish, darren and me started our journey.even in the bus, our(or should i say darrens) madness had already started. darren was singing in the bus, satish was trying to get him to stop.fortunately i was sitting in the opposite row, so all i had to do was act like i didnt know them!

we reached pasar seni where we had to catch a bus straight to sunway. but 1st our stomachs were calling to us! so off to the mamak we went first...where the only eatable thing was roti canai....lolz, after that we asked around and had to run in the rain to the bus stop to catch the bus!after being in the bus for 45 min, we finally reached our destination!we walked to the hotel I booked only to find out it was the wrong 1 and the one we were booked in was the other side. after quite a long walk(i remember alot of ranting and complaints) we reached the correct hotel to find the idiot i spoke to on the phone had booked us in for september.lets just say there were alot of laughs and whackings....well, good thing they had a room for us! and we jumped in straight away and headed off for sunway pyramid!

when we were there, ICE SKATING was the only thing on my mind! we paid and got in and put on out skates and off to the ice we were!i tell
u, i havent seen such a rackett made by 2 bufoons on the ice.1 was walking instead of skating and the other was banging ppl until he finally found a way to swim of the ice! haha! we went back to rest in the hotel room afterwards.....oh ya, we had bought tickets for a midnight show! the 2nd part is coming soon!

My 1st post!

2007-08-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is the 1st post for my 2nd blog. this blog will be for my life as my 1st was for my poems. for those of you who want to know a lil bit more about what goes on in this boring/crazy/nutzo/mad/unpredictable/mangkukly life of mine! and reader beware: PROCEED AT YOUR OWN CAUTION :D